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It’s that time of year again-the twelfth month of the year. When our thoughts turn to Christmases past and our calendar and to do list often become jam packed. There are cookies to bake, parties to plan and attend, gifts to buy, houses to decorate and so much more to do. Here are some tips for managing stress during December.
Plan Ahead
Take some time to think about what sort of Christmas you would like to have. Imagine that it is January and you a pleased with the way your holiday went. What will have happened? What will you have done? Where will you have gone? Who will you have spent time with? Is there anything you will not have done? Really use your imagination and picture the details of what matters to you. Taking the time to do this will help you to decide what to do and what to let go of this year. Then you can use a calendar to plan your activities like baking, shopping, social events, gift wrapping and so on.
Another area of stress that often comes up this time of year is finances. A sure fire way to add stress to your holiday is to overspend and use credit to buy gifts and other items that you can’t really afford. Plan ahead by making a list, creating a budget that is workable for your family and then stick to it. It’s important to talk about this area with your family and decide together what is workable. It's important to take time to really listen to each person’s point of view and then discuss all of your options. Perhaps you can draw names, rather than buying gifts for everyone in the family. Or maybe gifts can be just for the kids. You could do a cookie or ornament exchange. Set a price limit on the gifts that you will exchange and stick to it. Some families choose not to exchange gifts but simply to spend time together. There are many things you can do for free like drive around and look at lights, go window shopping, cook dinner together, watch classic Christmas movies together, or go caroling. The real meaning of Christmas is not about money and flashy gifts.
Be Realistic
It amazes me how often that we think and believe that because the calendar changed to December that our imperfect family will suddenly become perfect and that everything will be ideal and no one will disagree about anything. If your family is not perfect (and none of them are) don’t expect that to change this month! Relationships that are difficult or tense the rest of the year will continue to be so and perhaps even become a bit more challenging due to stress and spending more time together. Remember that you can create a warm holiday feeling by your attitude and your actions; however you cannot change other people. You must decide what is important to you and focus on doing the right thing. Other people will respond however they are going to respond and that is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is your behavior, your decisions, your actions.
It’s also important to set limits. It’s not realistic to say yes to every event that you may get invited to this month. Or to feel like you have to host the perfect party or celebration. I give you permission to say no to some activities this month. And you’re not allowed to feel guilty for saying no. First and foremost you must focus on your priorities and then go from there. Real life is full of limits and it is important to remember that in order to help keep stress at bay, especially this time of the year.
Take Care of Your Body
This is often the first thing to go by the wayside when the calendar turns to December and I think it’s a big mistake. Movement, activity and exercise are great ways to burn off stress. It’s also important to get enough rest a minimum of 8 hours per night. Our bodies refresh and rejuvenate while we sleep and when we short change ourselves in this department we make life harder than it needs to be. Some studies have shown that people who don’t get enough sleep tend to be heavier and sicker than those who do get their zzz’s.
Get moving. Take a walk. If it’s too cold where you live, you can do this at the mall, the YMCA or a local gym. Take a Tai Chi or Pilate’s class. Gentle, slow moving stretching is good for your muscles and your mood. Park further out from the store when you’re running errands or shopping and walk the extra steps. Our bodies were created to move and often we don’t move them enough. It’s about movement more than it is about exercise. Physical activity is a great stress reliever, plus it helps us to sleep better and improves our mood. So, get moving!
Eat right. This time of year this is a particularly challenging task. I’m not suggesting that you deprive yourself but rather that you are mindful of what you are putting in to your body. Be aware of how caffeine, alcohol and sugar affect you and your mood. I encourage you to do a three day experiment where you write down everything you eat and pay attention to how you feel, both physically and emotionally. You may be surprised to learn that what you put into your body not only affects your physical health but also your mental and emotional well being.
Focus on What Really Matters
Decide what is important to you. Think about what the holidays mean to you. What will make it meaningful to you? It’s important to balance our attention on the true meaning of Christmas rather than on the bright lights and shiny presents. Take some time to reflect on what the holiday means to you, your family and the world at large.
One way to focus on what really matters is to help others. There is nothing like giving or helping someone else to get our focus off of ‘what’s wrong’ with our holiday and to gain some perspective on the blessings and abundance in our lives. You can help others buy buying a gift, serving a meal or working at a homeless shelter, domestic violence safe house or child crisis nursery. You can donate food to a local food bank or buy a gift for a child through the Angel Tree program. You can also adopt a family through your church or community.
Remember that you are responsible for your behavior and actions. As an adult, you get to plan ahead and decide what type of holiday celebration you want. As you give some thought to what really matters to you, you will gain increased confidence in communicating what you want and need to others. This is an important skill for healthy relationships all year long. If you find that you are having difficulty coming up with your priorities, saying no or communicating your needs and wants, then seek support. Find an objective third party to help you sort it out. This could be a friend or co-worker, a member of the clergy or a counselor. Sometimes, all we need is someone objective to help us sort it out so that we can see the situation a bit more clearly.
Remember to maintain your sense of humor during stressful times too. Humor is a great stress reliever and there are many health benefits to laughter. Look for the humor in situations and you will find it. Life and relationships with people are full of opportunities to laugh.
Merry Christmas!
Lena Wright is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor and a Certified Professional Coach. Her passion is helping women be all that God created them to be. She can be reached through her website at http://www.lenawright.com/ where you can obtain a free subscription to her Healthy Communication e-Bulletin.
Plan Ahead
Take some time to think about what sort of Christmas you would like to have. Imagine that it is January and you a pleased with the way your holiday went. What will have happened? What will you have done? Where will you have gone? Who will you have spent time with? Is there anything you will not have done? Really use your imagination and picture the details of what matters to you. Taking the time to do this will help you to decide what to do and what to let go of this year. Then you can use a calendar to plan your activities like baking, shopping, social events, gift wrapping and so on.
Another area of stress that often comes up this time of year is finances. A sure fire way to add stress to your holiday is to overspend and use credit to buy gifts and other items that you can’t really afford. Plan ahead by making a list, creating a budget that is workable for your family and then stick to it. It’s important to talk about this area with your family and decide together what is workable. It's important to take time to really listen to each person’s point of view and then discuss all of your options. Perhaps you can draw names, rather than buying gifts for everyone in the family. Or maybe gifts can be just for the kids. You could do a cookie or ornament exchange. Set a price limit on the gifts that you will exchange and stick to it. Some families choose not to exchange gifts but simply to spend time together. There are many things you can do for free like drive around and look at lights, go window shopping, cook dinner together, watch classic Christmas movies together, or go caroling. The real meaning of Christmas is not about money and flashy gifts.
Be Realistic
It amazes me how often that we think and believe that because the calendar changed to December that our imperfect family will suddenly become perfect and that everything will be ideal and no one will disagree about anything. If your family is not perfect (and none of them are) don’t expect that to change this month! Relationships that are difficult or tense the rest of the year will continue to be so and perhaps even become a bit more challenging due to stress and spending more time together. Remember that you can create a warm holiday feeling by your attitude and your actions; however you cannot change other people. You must decide what is important to you and focus on doing the right thing. Other people will respond however they are going to respond and that is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is your behavior, your decisions, your actions.
It’s also important to set limits. It’s not realistic to say yes to every event that you may get invited to this month. Or to feel like you have to host the perfect party or celebration. I give you permission to say no to some activities this month. And you’re not allowed to feel guilty for saying no. First and foremost you must focus on your priorities and then go from there. Real life is full of limits and it is important to remember that in order to help keep stress at bay, especially this time of the year.
Take Care of Your Body
This is often the first thing to go by the wayside when the calendar turns to December and I think it’s a big mistake. Movement, activity and exercise are great ways to burn off stress. It’s also important to get enough rest a minimum of 8 hours per night. Our bodies refresh and rejuvenate while we sleep and when we short change ourselves in this department we make life harder than it needs to be. Some studies have shown that people who don’t get enough sleep tend to be heavier and sicker than those who do get their zzz’s.
Get moving. Take a walk. If it’s too cold where you live, you can do this at the mall, the YMCA or a local gym. Take a Tai Chi or Pilate’s class. Gentle, slow moving stretching is good for your muscles and your mood. Park further out from the store when you’re running errands or shopping and walk the extra steps. Our bodies were created to move and often we don’t move them enough. It’s about movement more than it is about exercise. Physical activity is a great stress reliever, plus it helps us to sleep better and improves our mood. So, get moving!
Eat right. This time of year this is a particularly challenging task. I’m not suggesting that you deprive yourself but rather that you are mindful of what you are putting in to your body. Be aware of how caffeine, alcohol and sugar affect you and your mood. I encourage you to do a three day experiment where you write down everything you eat and pay attention to how you feel, both physically and emotionally. You may be surprised to learn that what you put into your body not only affects your physical health but also your mental and emotional well being.
Focus on What Really Matters
Decide what is important to you. Think about what the holidays mean to you. What will make it meaningful to you? It’s important to balance our attention on the true meaning of Christmas rather than on the bright lights and shiny presents. Take some time to reflect on what the holiday means to you, your family and the world at large.
One way to focus on what really matters is to help others. There is nothing like giving or helping someone else to get our focus off of ‘what’s wrong’ with our holiday and to gain some perspective on the blessings and abundance in our lives. You can help others buy buying a gift, serving a meal or working at a homeless shelter, domestic violence safe house or child crisis nursery. You can donate food to a local food bank or buy a gift for a child through the Angel Tree program. You can also adopt a family through your church or community.
Remember that you are responsible for your behavior and actions. As an adult, you get to plan ahead and decide what type of holiday celebration you want. As you give some thought to what really matters to you, you will gain increased confidence in communicating what you want and need to others. This is an important skill for healthy relationships all year long. If you find that you are having difficulty coming up with your priorities, saying no or communicating your needs and wants, then seek support. Find an objective third party to help you sort it out. This could be a friend or co-worker, a member of the clergy or a counselor. Sometimes, all we need is someone objective to help us sort it out so that we can see the situation a bit more clearly.
Remember to maintain your sense of humor during stressful times too. Humor is a great stress reliever and there are many health benefits to laughter. Look for the humor in situations and you will find it. Life and relationships with people are full of opportunities to laugh.
Merry Christmas!
Lena Wright is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor and a Certified Professional Coach. Her passion is helping women be all that God created them to be. She can be reached through her website at http://www.lenawright.com/ where you can obtain a free subscription to her Healthy Communication e-Bulletin.
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